Time

Compared to last year time goes on very differently nowadays, It’s almost a strange sensation like I’m alive ! before I was always caught up in my dreams, I want to do that, I want to live there but truth be told I’ve never gone for it. I just wished for it, in my bed, on the bus, while I was walking the streets with my headphones on I could imagine my perfect live that in reality sucked quite a lot. Honestly, since I have dropped my headphones things started changing, I was listening to the silent, I was listening to the world outside, I was listening to myself, which was yelling from the inside  but I was too busy dreaming about worthless things. Sometimes it feels like I snapped out of the jail that was my mind, mind you, I’ve still got a lot of work to do but it feels already different, like if I am no longer chained to the society…Facebook, planning the weekend, chasing the wrong girl and just because she looks nice, but the reality is that she is as thick as a brick and a waste of time and whatnot. The moment I focus on my breath it starts, that pressure at the center of my eyebrows brings my back to this world, I feel the air going down my lungs and my head becomes light and clear, it’s easy to do this when you are in your room, meditating or writing but not always it’s easy to do the same at work, with the pressure, the anxiety, the music in the kitchen and all the other people around, but I’m getting better. When I visualize my goals the vision is more clear, meditation lasts longer and feels deeper, body responds better to mind…I know, it’s not me, I wasn’t capable of doing all this last year, I didn’t have this strength, I didn’t have this passion, I didn’t have this determination, it’s the person I’m creating that is doing all this, the new me…I won’t lie, sometimes I do have bad thoughts but you know what I tell myself ? It’s a test ! Life is testing my mental toughness, my patience, if I want more I have to be sure that I give more, that’s the way it works, no other way around. I wish I could have understood all this when I was 22-23 years old, but I did know, and it’s not too late. Just last night I counted the hours that I typically do on a normal day, 17 hours, 5 AM to 10 PM. Around me there are a lot of notes about work, my iBook it’s full of knew knowledge that is waiting for me to be discovered and ready to be put into practice, but when you have a moment, just breathe…just breathe…